A Non-Judgmental Approach to Emotions
Emotions are neither good nor bad. . .
they just are.
It is incredibly human of us to want to categorize - that’s just how our brains work. So it makes sense that we have a tendency to do the same with our emotions. Happiness is a “good” emotion while sadness is a “bad” emotion. However I encourage the clients I work with not to label emotions as positive or negative, good or bad.
the entire range of Emotions are a normal part of the human experience.
You may be thinking “Okay, but aren’t some emotions bad? Like shame, anger, resentment...” My response to that would be sure, some emotions are more uncomfortable than others. I feel much more comfortable when I feel loved than I do when I feel ashamed.
The emotion itself does not cause suffering- instead it is the judgment placed on the emotion that causes the suffering.
When we label an emotion as good/bad, we are placing judgment on the emotion. I find this often leads to the individual criticizing themselves for experiencing a normal part of being human that is greatly out of our conscious control.
I encourage clients to think about emotions as information. When you notice a feeling in response to a situation, that emotion is providing you with valuable information. It is important to recognize that emotions are information and not instructions, meaning you do not have to act upon the emotion you are feeling, but instead you can approach it with curiosity and compassion.
Below you will find questions to guide you through this process.
Be curious
❋ What is the dominant emotion I am feeling?
❋ What triggered this emotion?
❋ What thoughts are associated with this emotion?
Be compassionate
❋ Based on this emotion, what do I need in this moment?
❋ What would feel supportive or comforting?
Here’s an example of what this may look like:
curiosity
❋ What is the dominant emotion I am feeling? Inadequate
❋ What triggered this emotion? It’s late and I’m tired and my baby won’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do.
❋ What thoughts are associated with this emotion? I’m a bad mom. I should be able to comfort my baby. I should know what to do.
compassion
❋ Based on this emotion, what do I need in this moment? I need reassurance. I need to ask my partner to come help. I need to take a break.
❋ What would feel supportive or comforting? It would feel supportive to hear my partner say that I am a good mom. A hug would feel comforting. It would be supportive if my partner could take over with the baby.
